As we all know, the internet, much like the NHL Playoffs, can get out of hand from time to time. And so much like the NHL Playoffs, I’m here to start the Internet handshake line.
To the Penguins social media team, A for effort. They had a focused method of attacking the wrong target and consistently succeeded. The patented “in Long Island” tweet, followed up by the cliche home arena jab. The gorgeous photoshop of the team arriving to play nowhere near any of our arenas. It was all happening for them. A formidable opponent in that arena.
To our boy Chase Williams of WPXI, whose self submitted application to Islanders fandom will remain under review, a golf clap. Jumping in the fray early with a bold Pen’s in 5 prediction to feed off the hate RT’s…strategic wizardry. Getting a picture of Dan Friday in the parking lot and then fumbling his name after a 10 minute conversation with him was the real MVP moment of the series in our opinion. Completely on brand. I’m glad to see you back on the twitter game after I taught you how close Jones Beach is to the Coliseum. Didn’t hear from you after that, I was worried we lost you. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, people forget Long Island is an Island and you’re 20 minutes from the water at all times. But you’re back on the bad takes grind and I’ve never been prouder of someone for rebounding.
To quickly address the “B*tch Lasagna” single: The members and affiliates of the Yes Men Mob would like to publicly extend good luck and kind wishes towards Mason Ramsey as he makes his transition from child Country Music Star to unsigned Pittsburgh Sound Cloud rapper. (track has been removed)
And finally, to the people of Pittsburgh. My heart goes out to you. The middle class steel people. Doing steel things everyday. Making the steel. Grinding the steel. Overworked and under appreciated. The Pirates have faded back in to oblivion. Steelers in complete and utter disarray. But there’s always the rock. Super Mario’s squad. Old reliable. Syd and the boys. You’ve got the media telling you Pen’s in 5. Past players going public, doubling down on series bets. Simply just too much experience and too much fire power. Then to have to suffer through poor ice conditions, unimaginable crowd noise, confusion as to where the series was being played. Even having the courtesy to refrain from attending the Coliseum games to let Islander fans soak every last second of our true home up. Then coming home and doing everything you could to will this team to a victory. Taking “Quiet, offense at work” to a level none have been able to achieve. I can’t imagine how it feels right now. There’s really just no one to blame for this one. Everyone tried their best, but it comes down to the Swiss Cheese theory. A couple holes on a couple different fronts line up, and you let a series slip away.
Shake my hand. You truly didn’t deserve this. My heart goes out to all of you.